Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

I found this on the Many Muddy Paws blog and just HAD to re-post it here!

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
(Dog Trainer Version)
Author: Unknown

Pavlov: we fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4p.m. until the chicken’s autonomic system actually began causing the chicken to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the “why.”

B.F. Skinner: on prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the road, this behavior was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence.

Cesar Milan: I bullied, chased, poked, and intimidated the chicken until it raced across the road, because I am a strong leader.

Barbara Woodhouse: You just say, “Walkies” with the right accent and place a crumpet on the other side of the road.

Karen Pryor: by associating R+ with road crossing and P+ withstanding still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the Premack principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road crossing behavior.

Bill Koehler: a few well-timed pops on the choke chain and the chicken was cheerfully to crossing the road.

Nicholas Dodman: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it was happy to cross the road.

Patti Ruzzo: I crossed the road, pausing every step to spit a treat out of my mouth like a human pez dispenser and the chicken followed along catching the treats.

Electric Collar Advocate: whenever the chicken does not cross the road I give it an electric shock. But do not worry, the shock is no more than you would feel if you walked on a carpet wearing socks and it does not bother the chicken at all. The feathers standing up and the smell of burning flesh mean nothing. In fact, they are happier having nice clear communication than they would be otherwise.

Yuppie: chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you.

Paris Hilton: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it.

Shelter director: Any chickens that do not cross the road will be euthanized for their own good, and the others we will ‘adopt’ out tomorrow for only $200 each. Please send us money so we can keep doing more of this important work!

HSUS member: I do not know anything about animals, I have never been around animals and am not really fond of animals, but we passed a law mandating that chickens be kept without cages because animals belong only in the wild and cannot be happy coexisting with man, so now they are walking wherever they want.

PETA member: chickens have the right to live in world without roads. Any chicken that lives within a hundred miles of a road is suffering an inhumane existence and might eventually be hit by a car so we should kill it today to ensure that it does not die tomorrow.

Romeo is Weird

I've said it many many times. And I don't think people really "get" how weird he is. Yes, he is an incredibly smart dog, flamboyant, eager, and animated. But he's just really REALLY weird, too. He does things that are just strange. Things that, I'm sure, other dogs do. But while other dogs may do a couple of strange things, he seems to do them all!

From snorkeling in water dishes to bathtub jumping to taking his frustrations out on his rage pillow.

Since people just don't seem to believe me when I say that I have the weirdest dog ever, I've decided to make my way through his list of oddities and put each one to cue. I'll make a video of each training attempt, and can then take his weirdness on the road to prove to the masses how strange he is!

So here we go, Parts I and II of "How to Train Your Dog to be Weird".

Romeo Blowing Bubbles


Romeo doing an Elvis Impersonation

Go-pher It!

This is Casper.

Casper and his brother and sister, Buddy and Nikki, are in some of my Rally-O classes.

Casper is Romeo's new hero. Romeo has serious idol worship happening for Casper. Let me explain ...

I hold my classes in a lovely field on the University of Saskatchewan campus. It's quite large, bordered on two sides by fence and bush, next to a quiet parking lot for easy access. Lots of trees for shade. This field is often used by local dog groups to hold classes or practices in the summer, so I staked out my evening to take advantage of the great area as well. This year the field is unusually overrun by gophers. There are EVERYWHERE, there are literally 5 or 6 gophers in any given area you happen to glance towards at any given time. They keep to themselves, but because the field is used for dog sports at least 5 evenings a week, they have become quite used to dogs being around. I would imagine that, for the most part, the people that use the field discourage their dogs from chasing the gophers as the dogs are all there to work on their various activities. So the gophers have a false sense of security.

Bad horrible person that I am, I will often let Gio and Romeo tear around after class while I clean up, and will on occasion encourage them to chase the gophers. Now, I only do this because I know that neither Gio nor Romeo has any idea what to do with a gopher after the "chase" stage. Gio gives himself away by barking, so never really gets any closer than 15 or 20 feet anyways. He's none too stealthy. And Romeo is more apt to play bow at a gopher than try to catch it.

Today was a normal Rally-O day, and as I cleaned up my signs after classes were finished, Casper's "mom" volunteered to help. (Wonderful person that she is!) She let her crew off leash to tear around with Gio and Romeo, and when I told my guys to go chase some gophers, she mistakenly uttered the phrase "get it!" to her crew. Casper took her word for it and took off like a bolt, straight for a congregation of gophers near the back of the field. A quick snap and he had one, it's terrified gopher scream calling attention to it and the rest of the dogs took off running to see what the fun was all about. We successfully called the dogs away before they all got their paws in on the mess, but not until after Casper dispatched of the pesky gopher.

Of course, he was quite proud of himself, and pranced happily back to us with a shit-eater grin on his cute little face. I think he probably had "gopher stink" on him from the quick but efficient struggle, and this certainly drew Romeo's attention. Romeo just couldn't leave Casper alone while we finished cleaning up. He shadowed him precisely, staying close to Casper's flank, copying his every move. Romeo thinks Casper is amazing, and brave, and wonderful, and the best guy ever!

Stay tuned to Casper's Blog, I think he may have a photo of his trophy to share with the world.

Further Proof That My Dogs Are Crazy

The video is pretty self explanatory ...

Rug Burn on the Face?

This is how ...

Spring has sprung ...

This time of year I am always reminded of a little poem I learned as a child ...

"Spring has sprung, the grass is green
I wonder where my birdy's been.
Oh there he is up in the sky
Dropping whitewash in my eye!"

Yeah ... I was a special child.

I was reminded of that poem this morning when I saw my first Robin of the year! ... I nearly hit it with my car on the way to work.

Don't worry, folks! I missed ... spring will continue unabated!

Why do Shelties have long noses ...

... To keep their leashes up out of the snow while you unlock the car door.

Post of the Month!

WOW!!

My post about Gio and the Blow Dryer has won Dogs With Blogs' Post of the Month!!


Thank you to Essex and Deacon from Key West Collies for nominating us. And thank you to everyone else for all the great comments you have left on the post!

Packing

I warned the boys what would happen if they got in the way ...

Shetland Sleepdogs and Rally-O

Our buddies, Josh and Jess, have sent out a challenge to post pictures of your fluff's odd sleeping styles. So here they are!

Romeo's breeder sent me this picture ...
Romeo's first "tunnel", he got pooped part way through.

For the most part, they fall asleep however they happen to land when they flop down ...

See a trend? That's right ... they show a strong preference for sleeping on the bed. Can't blame them, really. If I had a choice between floor and bed, I know what I would be picking!

As for today, it is "crazy dog Sunday". A couple hours of rally-o in the afternoon, and soon to be off to agility with Romeo this evening. Rally-o went really well this afternoon. I set up a CARO Advanced/Excellent course and ran the boys through it a couple of times. They did fantastically! Romeo's achievement of the day was making it through the "off set figure 8" without lagging, and Gio's achievement of the day was remembering his sits EVERY time! With Gio's gimpy leg, he is kind of picky about when he wants to sit. Today must be a good-leg-day as he didn't have problems at all. The "off set figure 8" is Romeo's big hold-up in CARO rally-o, but not for the reason you might be thinking. The exercise is made up of two pylons and two food bowls, with the idea of the exercise to weave in a figure 8 pattern around the pylons while keeping the dog from going after the food in the food bowls, as in the diagram below. You are allowed to say "leave it" to your dog each time you pass through the center of the 8, but it has to be "happy" and not scolding in tone.
Romeo's problem is that he has a "leave it" that is so completely solid that he will give whatever it is he is supposed to be leaving a 10 foot berth! So if I slip up and tell him to "leave it" as we are entering the figure 8, he has been known to stop moving and just stand back and watch me weave through the pylons so as not to get too close to the food bowls. I thought that just not using the command "leave it" and rather just having a nice attention heel would work instead, as it does with Gio, but Romeo has now generalized the exercise, so whenever he sees food bowls he automatically assumes he has to leave them alone without me telling him to. As a result, he is VERY laggy through the exercise and will often drop back to walk right behind me so that he doesn't have to be too close to the bowls. I've been practicing setting up food bowls and just having him "survive" in the middle of them, doing little heel patterns, tricks, sits/downs, playing tug and fetch where he has to run out of the circle of bowls and back in again. That seems to have helped a lot as today he didn't even flinch when we approached the bowls and kept a nice attention heel without dropping back into his usual lag position.

As a side note, I am officially living in a pig sty. I've started packing so now my room is littered with crates and boxes. Walls are bare and "stuff" is strewn everywhere.

Gio and the Blow Dryer

The boys each have a routine in the morning. I've already blogged about Romeo's Mr. Sock-Face Game that we play when I get dressed. Now it's time to show Gio's morning game ... Singing for the Blow Dryer.

The sound of the blow dryer starting up in the morning will pull him away from any distraction, even food. And for Gio, that is HUGE! His first love is divided equally between tennis balls and food, but the blow dryer will make him drop both of those and come running. He will stand patiently (ie. not freaking out) while I dry my hair. Waiting, and mentally willing the blow dryer down to his level. He loves being "shot" in the face and on the chest, full blast, hot air. Nothing else will do. And once the air hits him, he's singing like a bird! Well ... a bird with laryngitis and that's had too much to drink. I can even sort of control the waver and the pitch of the "singing" by moving the blow dryer back and forth and up or down his chest.

See for yourself ...



Thought I should also point out ... I blew a breaker trying to make this video. Apparently it isn't a good idea to have a TV, stereo, phone, computer, space heater, and blow dryer all on one breaker, eh? Oops.

Think happy thoughts ...

Today was just one of those days where it feels as if the whole world is out to get you.

Good thing I live with two puppers that are very good at providing comic relief.

Think happy thoughts ... think happy thoughts ... think happy thoughts ...

"MY toy. NOT gonna share."
"What snow?"

I've posted this one before, but it never fails to make me smile.

"I haz a happy!"

'Tis the Night Before Christmas!

This very fitting and festive poem was found on RawFed.com. Written by Crystal Sarcopski and the Raw Food Brood.

A Most Carnivorous Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas; in the house, not a sound.
The critters were zonked out, their bellies so round.

The fridge was all cleaned out; the freezer was bare
In hopes it would fill with a bounty so rare.

The dogs on the couch and the cats in their tree;
No doubt all were dreaming of a nice RMB.

Dad in his pj's and me in my gown;
I'd just finished mopping the kitchen floor down

When out in the yard I heard such a racket;
I slipped on my shoes and grabbed a warm jacket.

The moon was quite bright, and the sky was so clear;
The stars were all twinkling--wait, was that a DEER!?

I followed the shadow out back of the shed,
And what I saw next had me scratching my head:

A great St Bernard, with a jingle bell collar!
Then from inside my house, I heard someone holler:

"Here's beef ribs and goat meat and oxtails and deer!
Chicken and rabbit and pork--have no fear!"

I ran in my kitchen, and guess who I found?
Looking like St Nick, but dressed all in brown?

Why, it's SANTA PAWS, that wonderful guy
Who each Christmas Eve comes down out of the sky

And blesses our furkids with toys and with treats,
And gives to our carnivores yummy RAW MEATS!

He stocked my fridge and freezer with organs and such,
Then he pointed to something--oh, this was too much!

"For you," he said proudly, "a chest freezer at last;
Fifteen cubic feet, and it runs on dog gas."

He lifted the lid; it was full to the brim
With hog heads and green tripe, and deer meat and trim.

My heart was near bursting; I wept tears of joy.
What blessings, what feasts, what good food! Boy oh boy!

He laughed at my happiness, and that's when I saw
The buckle of his belt was a shiny gold paw.

"Your house-wolves and wildcats deserve only the best!
Their perfect diet is here in this chest."

He gave a sharp whistle; in came the St B.
I gave him a scratch and then half a turkey.

He scarfed it right down and gave me a big kiss.
Santa Paws laughed, and then he said this:

"Each Christmas Eve I'll visit your place,
And I best not find kibble, not even a trace!

"Empty your freezer, I'll fill it up right,
Stock it with goodies, packed in nice and tight.

"I might bring some toys, a Kong or a ball,
But proper nutrition is the best gift of all!"

His dog gave a WOOF as if to agree;
I motioned to him, shh, Dad's sleeping, you see?

We went out to the yard where his sleigh was parked;
He hooked up the St B, who smiled and barked.

And Santa Paws said, as though it were law,
"Merry Christmas, and keep feeding those carnivores RAW!"

Proof That Dogs are Smarter Than We Give Them Credit For

When you are eating something tasty (you know, like scrambled eggs with ketchup and toast with Cheez Whiz) and you suddenly scream a string of profanities, and the dog's don't run away from you, fearing that they are in trouble, but rather run towards you knowing that you likely just spilled something all over your lap.

Our Secret Santa Gift is Here!

I am friend with a wonderful group of people online, all united by our passion for feeding our pooches a species appropriate diet. For the past year or so, we have held a Secret Santa gift exchange. Usually we host through Elfster.com, it is a really handy little site for organizing a Secret Santa. We were assigned our giftees a couple of weeks ago. "The boys" sent off their present already, and we are waiting (im)patiently for word that our giftee has received it. But today Gio and Romeo's present arrived from their Secret Santa! Judging by the postage address, I think I know who sent it. Unless our real Secret Santa was being crafty and filled in someone else's name on the custom's claim form thingy (is that legal?).

We've set our "opening date" for December 20th, so the boys have to wait a while before they get to see their presents.

Romeo's not very good at being patient ...



We're lucky that there was food cooking in the kitchen. With Gio guarding the stove (you know, to make sure supper doesn't run away), the package survived. If he had got ahold of it, we wouldn't have been able to wait until the 20th to open it. Romeo, though persistent, poses much less of a risk.

All Things Spooky on this All Hallow's Eve!

The Feast of the Dead, Samhain, All Hallows Eve, Day of the Dead, All Hallowtide, Festival of the Dead, Hop-tu-Naa, Nos Galan Gaeaf

HALLOWEEN

Whatever you call it, I hope you all have a ghouly, ghosty, creepy, freaky, spooky and kooky night! Stay safe and have a wonderful time!

A few pet precautions for this festive night to keep your furry family safe and happy:
1) Door bells, wee ghouls of all sorts, yelling and costumes can be pretty scary for some dogs. If your pooch is nervous about strangers, maybe it would be best to keep them safely confined to a back room or their crate. Fill up a nice Kong or pull out a chew treat to keep them occupied and happy and away from open doors.
2) Remember, chocolate is toxic to our furry friends! Keep bowls of candy and chocolate well out of reach.
3) There are a lot of creeps out there, and Halloween seems to bring out a rash of pet "disappearances". Keep your beloved pets safely inside the house, don't leave them unattended in the yard.
4) Pet costumes are a lot of fun! But always be sure to supervise your pets when they are wearing their spooky outfits. Ensure that they cannot get tangled or caught up in the clothing, and remove the costumes when leaving your pet unattended.
5) Tomorrow morning, be sure to do a quick walk around of the yard before allowing the pets outside for their business. Bits of costumes, candy, garbage, or worse is often tossed over fences during the night's activities. Make sure your yard is clear of dangers.


In the spirit of all things spooky, today's post edges towards the creepy and kooky!
Included below are three bone shaking, terror-full tales. All true ... all occurring this Halloween day ... coincidence? WoooOOOoooOOO!

Spooky tale #1: Attack of the Zombie Chickens!

There once was a grad student who worked at an agricultural university full of mad scientists! These mad scientists conducted unspeakable experiments, pushing the boundaries of science to their extremes. None was so extreme as crazy Dr. Leghorn. Crazy Dr. Leghorn endeavored to produce an army that could penetrate the rural landscape undetected and, upon his orders, TAKE OVER THE WORLD! What creature would be so stealthy, yet so lethal? ... none, but the mighty mutant chicken! Crazy Dr. Leghorn toiled day and night, working on his line of mutant chickens, but then things went horribly wrong ... Crazy Dr. Leghorn lost control of the mutant chickens, they escaped their pens one night and waited, waited for Crazy Dr. Leghorn to arrive again in the morning to continue his evil plans. When Crazy Dr. Leghorn did arrive in his mad scientist lab the next morning, the mutant chickens ambushed him and killed him dead. It took the full force of the local police department to subdue the mutant chickens, only finally succeeding in killing them by chopping them into bits and scattering their limbs far across the city. The grad students were called upon to help in this effort, each being willed to take 5kg of mutant chicken to their respective homes and destroy it. Fearing for her life, one grad student arrived to pick up her 5kg allotment. Wrapped in many layers of tamper-proof plastic, she rushed the mutant chicken to her car and raced to the safety of her home.


Upon arriving home, she enlisted the forces of her two faithful guard beasts to stand guard as she prepared to dispose of the mutant chicken.

Her faithful guard beasts patrolled the kitchen as she quickly separated all the chicken pieces, mostly legs and a couple of wings, into small portions, shoved them all into a protective plastic vessel, and immediately rendered them immobile by flash freezing them in her (convenient) industrial freezer.


For now ... the mutant chickens are no longer a threat ... But what will happen when they thaw out?!

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!

Spooky Tale #2: Festival of the Elderly

A brave and noble young knight by the name of Sir Gio was called urgently to a local retirement home in the afternoon of All Hallow's Eve. Something wicked had possessed the residents, and only he and his fluffy good looks could save their souls.

Donned in his protective red Therapy Dog cape, Sir Gio steeled himself for the potential assault as he approached the front door of the home. As he entered the building, it appeared deserted, but he could hear eerie music issuing from deep within. An upbeat tune, not unlike a Halloween waltz performed on accordians, was piping through the hallways. Sir Gio stealthily crept along the hall, following the eerie music. Rounding a corner into the common room, a ghastly sight met his eyes! Dozens and dozens of elderly people were gathered, some cloaked in witches robes, others with pointy hats and garrish wigs, still others wearing what appeared to be human bone necklaces around their necks. All were gathered in a large circle, some sitting in wheelchairs, some leaning on walkers, all of them clapping and singing as still more twirled in the center of the circle in some evil demon dance!

Stunned, Sir Gio had to think quickly how he could possibly penetrate this crowd. As brilliant as he is, Sir Gio thought up a devious plan. He would disguise himself as one of them, join their ranks and destroy them from within! Sneaking back out into the hallway, Sir Gio wrapped an orange and black bandanna around his neck and hoped that he would blend in to the dancing crowd. Assuming a casual face, he wandered confidently back into the crowded music room, pushing his way into the center of a large group of people, grinning around evil-y. Then, Sir Gio unleashed his secret weapon ... With all the charm of a used car salesman, Sir Gio donned the puppy eyes and wowed the crowds with his cute puppy tricks. Again and again he preformed his tricks until he was panting with exhaustion. Finally, when he thought he could not go on anymore ... the evil spell possessing the residents of the retirement home broke! Their grins were no longer evil, the demonic accordian waltz slowed to a calm and easy tune. The day, and their souls, were saved!

Spooky Tale #3: THE VET!!!

EEEEEEK! It doesn't get any scarier than that! I realize there may be young pups reading this, so as not to terrify them (and bring about lawsuits from outraged dog parents) I will leave out the horrific and gorey details.

I will mention only that both Gio and Romeo visited their new vet this afternoon (before Sir Gio's heroic actions at the retirement home). Romeo needed a vet signed health form so that I can submit his final papers to become a St. John Ambulance therapy dog. Gio was due for some bloodwork. It has been about 6 weeks since he has been on his new thyroid medication for his seizures, and he was due for some blood level tests for Potassium Bromide and the Thyroxine.

Because vet offices are SO SCARY we practiced some tricks for treats in the waiting room and in the exam room before and after the vet poked and prodded everyone.


They survived ... Though according to Gio, it was "barely".

Romeo: "Don't know why you are so nervous, Gio. You are such a wuss!"
Gio: "Shut up, fluffy. You don't have to get the needle jab!"

How did they get in my room!?

This was posted this afternoon to a Sheltie forum that I frequent.


My question ... how the heck did they sneak into my room and take this picture without the boys waking up?

It is creepily accurate, right down to the dog toys scattered on the floor. While the dogs in the picture outnumber my two by a total of five, Gio and Romeo easily fill the spots indicated. Gio generally occupies the spots in the picture that have tri-colored Shelties, while Romeo rotates between the pillow-sleeper, leg-sleeper, and flanker. And the little sable bum under the bed, well, Gio used to sleep under my bed when he was able to fit. He likely still would if he could get under there!

Piggy Wrestling ... Romeo Style

Step 1: Spot yourself a piggy

Step 2: Sneak up on the piggy and grab it by the back leg

Step 3: Get a good grip now ...


Step 4: Now, in one smooth motion, roll to onto your side, effectively
rendering the piggy incapable of escape.


Step 5: Now the tricky part, a perfectly executed Piggy Crotch Grab (patent pending)


And with that, my friends, you have subdued yourself a wild piggy!

Holy Hobbit-Feet, Batman!

SOMEONE has been slacking off and some certain puppy feet got very fluffy!

*SHAME SHAME!*

As I am feeling a little "Stacy London" today, here is my little homage to the always entertaining before and after make-over shows. (aside: Who knew Stacy London has a Wikipedia page? I want a Wikipedia page! Nothing says "Nearly-accurate-pseudo-truth-errors-of-omission-don't-count-as-lies" like Wikipedia!)

BEFORE

"Darling! No! No no no! LOOK what you have done to the shape of your feet! Do you see that? All that extra POOF makes your legs look short and stubby. You're a purebred? Honey, with feet like that I wouldn't even call you a hybrid!*"

AFTER

"SHUT UP! You look HOT! The cut flatters your figure perfectly. And LOOK at those toes!"

Yes, I realize that Gio's toe nails are too long. Dog toe nails should not be that long, so don't take that as an example of how to keep toe nails. His quicks grow insanely fast, and even with cutting his nails every 3 days, it is taking forever to get them back to where they should be.

In an unrelated story, rice crackers make Romeo turn into a savage beast.

It starts out innocent enough.
"Mama, please may I have some rice cracker?"

One given a small taste of rice cracker, the beast within stirs ...

And before you know it, you have a full-fledged Werewolf on your hands!^

Gio, on the other hand, believes chewing is for losers.
"Chewing takes up precious swallowing time"

* Note, comments made in this blog post are for the purposes of entertainment only. I hold no dislike towards mixed breed dogs. It was a joke, just laugh already. As for "hybrids", you're not fooling anyone. Love your dog for that wonderful mutt that it is. You don't need a fancy name for the type of dog that you have. Your dog is special because you love it as much as you do. You don't need any more than that.

^ ETA: Concern has been expressed from "Grandma" about how I got Romeo to bare his teeth. That is actually how he chews rice crackers. I have never seen him chew anything else in that manner, but apparently the hard rice crackers require full gum exposure. So not to worry, wee Romeo was not tormented or manipulated in any way to get him to be vicious. Rather, I just had to find the right food and TA-DA "Insta-Beastie"!