A Most Carnivorous Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas; in the house, not a sound.
The critters were zonked out, their bellies so round.
The fridge was all cleaned out; the freezer was bare
In hopes it would fill with a bounty so rare.
The dogs on the couch and the cats in their tree;
No doubt all were dreaming of a nice RMB.
Dad in his pj's and me in my gown;
I'd just finished mopping the kitchen floor down
When out in the yard I heard such a racket;
I slipped on my shoes and grabbed a warm jacket.
The moon was quite bright, and the sky was so clear;
The stars were all twinkling--wait, was that a DEER!?
I followed the shadow out back of the shed,
And what I saw next had me scratching my head:
A great St Bernard, with a jingle bell collar!
Then from inside my house, I heard someone holler:
"Here's beef ribs and goat meat and oxtails and deer!
Chicken and rabbit and pork--have no fear!"
I ran in my kitchen, and guess who I found?
Looking like St Nick, but dressed all in brown?
Why, it's SANTA PAWS, that wonderful guy
Who each Christmas Eve comes down out of the sky
And blesses our furkids with toys and with treats,
And gives to our carnivores yummy RAW MEATS!
He stocked my fridge and freezer with organs and such,
Then he pointed to something--oh, this was too much!
"For you," he said proudly, "a chest freezer at last;
Fifteen cubic feet, and it runs on dog gas."
He lifted the lid; it was full to the brim
With hog heads and green tripe, and deer meat and trim.
My heart was near bursting; I wept tears of joy.
What blessings, what feasts, what good food! Boy oh boy!
He laughed at my happiness, and that's when I saw
The buckle of his belt was a shiny gold paw.
"Your house-wolves and wildcats deserve only the best!
Their perfect diet is here in this chest."
He gave a sharp whistle; in came the St B.
I gave him a scratch and then half a turkey.
He scarfed it right down and gave me a big kiss.
Santa Paws laughed, and then he said this:
"Each Christmas Eve I'll visit your place,
And I best not find kibble, not even a trace!
"Empty your freezer, I'll fill it up right,
Stock it with goodies, packed in nice and tight.
"I might bring some toys, a Kong or a ball,
But proper nutrition is the best gift of all!"
His dog gave a WOOF as if to agree;
I motioned to him, shh, Dad's sleeping, you see?
We went out to the yard where his sleigh was parked;
He hooked up the St B, who smiled and barked.
And Santa Paws said, as though it were law,
"Merry Christmas, and keep feeding those carnivores RAW!"
The critters were zonked out, their bellies so round.
The fridge was all cleaned out; the freezer was bare
In hopes it would fill with a bounty so rare.
The dogs on the couch and the cats in their tree;
No doubt all were dreaming of a nice RMB.
Dad in his pj's and me in my gown;
I'd just finished mopping the kitchen floor down
When out in the yard I heard such a racket;
I slipped on my shoes and grabbed a warm jacket.
The moon was quite bright, and the sky was so clear;
The stars were all twinkling--wait, was that a DEER!?
I followed the shadow out back of the shed,
And what I saw next had me scratching my head:
A great St Bernard, with a jingle bell collar!
Then from inside my house, I heard someone holler:
"Here's beef ribs and goat meat and oxtails and deer!
Chicken and rabbit and pork--have no fear!"
I ran in my kitchen, and guess who I found?
Looking like St Nick, but dressed all in brown?
Why, it's SANTA PAWS, that wonderful guy
Who each Christmas Eve comes down out of the sky
And blesses our furkids with toys and with treats,
And gives to our carnivores yummy RAW MEATS!
He stocked my fridge and freezer with organs and such,
Then he pointed to something--oh, this was too much!
"For you," he said proudly, "a chest freezer at last;
Fifteen cubic feet, and it runs on dog gas."
He lifted the lid; it was full to the brim
With hog heads and green tripe, and deer meat and trim.
My heart was near bursting; I wept tears of joy.
What blessings, what feasts, what good food! Boy oh boy!
He laughed at my happiness, and that's when I saw
The buckle of his belt was a shiny gold paw.
"Your house-wolves and wildcats deserve only the best!
Their perfect diet is here in this chest."
He gave a sharp whistle; in came the St B.
I gave him a scratch and then half a turkey.
He scarfed it right down and gave me a big kiss.
Santa Paws laughed, and then he said this:
"Each Christmas Eve I'll visit your place,
And I best not find kibble, not even a trace!
"Empty your freezer, I'll fill it up right,
Stock it with goodies, packed in nice and tight.
"I might bring some toys, a Kong or a ball,
But proper nutrition is the best gift of all!"
His dog gave a WOOF as if to agree;
I motioned to him, shh, Dad's sleeping, you see?
We went out to the yard where his sleigh was parked;
He hooked up the St B, who smiled and barked.
And Santa Paws said, as though it were law,
"Merry Christmas, and keep feeding those carnivores RAW!"
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